Proprioception & Deep Freedom
On the eve of my son’s second birthday the declaration for my personal life I had been searching for finally found me:
I Am A Commitment to Tending To The God In Me.
The primary practice I took up to begin to embody this commitment was what I called physical apex; I put it in my mind that by 33 years of age I would be my strongest self and that I would love my body more than I had at any moment before.
So- I went about doing some study. I watched prank videos online of power lifters disguised as janitors in gyms, yanking hundreds of pounds of weight into the air to the astonishment and amazement of onlookers. I read comrade Mao (of course) and came across A STUDY OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION (read it here). He was writing at a moment when China was fractured and broken, dominated by the imperialism of Japan, choked by warlordism, cracked open by centuries of British domination, suffocating under dynastic rule and still distant from the rise of the communist movement. Mao writes with the appropriate urgency, declaring that physical education strengthens the body, enhances knowledge, harmonizes sentiments and strengthens will. I left that essay inspired to write my own statement, which I read aloud before my apex practice. To this day it remains nailed to the basement wall of my home:
I then created my own 20 min HIIT apex workout:
From January to May of 2024 I did this apex practice 5 out of 7 days a week, until I went away on vacation to Guatemala, and the practice went into hibernation. I struggled to recommit, and finally admitted to myself I couldn’t will what I wanted into habit. I needed professional coaching from a certified specialist who knew the human body its boundaries. Since August of 2024, I’ve worked out twice a week with this coach. Today I am stronger and more in love with my body than ever before.
The workout my coach leads me through has my body in a wide range of positions in space: lying flat on my back as I scissor my legs in mid air, squatting to a near seated position as I hold 2 30 lb dumbbells, extended planks, Turkish Get Ups, the list seems (and feels!) endless. My coach encourages me to slow my movements and notice each one, to increase my Time Under Tension. In the slowing and noticing I become aware of my tendency to brace rather than breathe, my tendency towards effort rather than towards ease, my willingness to struggle and strive rather than surrender. All lessons for life & leadership.
Proprioception is the human sense system of self movement in space. This sense system operates internally via special sensors sending signals to the brain about where our muscles, limbs and body parts are in relationship to each other. This allows for all of us to learn about how our body is in relationship to its self and the space around it. Externally, this sense system allows us to sense the effort it takes to open a door, control our limbs, open our eyes and yes, lift very heavy weights.
I began this exploration around apex with the goal of trying to push myself into greatness. After 10 months of practicing pushing myself, I now play. I still apex with my coach every Monday & Friday morning, but I recently decided to start jumping rope on Wednesday mornings until I laugh. During my Monday/Friday apex, I make sure to crack at least one joke in the middle of my workout. And most importantly all of this apex-proprioceptive work is allowing me to get on all fours, jump and run and push and play with my precious son.
The deep freedom of proprioception.
note: This is part 2 of a 4 part series about my exploration of different human sense systems and their relationship to what I call deep freedom.